The Wonderful Wizard of Hoz
by horklump
Summary: After being knocked unconscious, James Potter has a very realistic, unusual, not to mention incredibly familiar dream. Basically, James's twist on the Wizard of Oz. Mild language.
1. The cave in

**Set in the Marauder's seventh year, an unconscious James has an unusual adventure that is very similar to a story we all know.**

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story except maybe the plot, and I'm not really sure I own that.

Coming in from a particularly tough Quidditch practice, all James Potter wanted to do was go to the common rooms and relax. His muscles ached, and after trying desperately to teach the rest of his team plays (and failing several times), his brain felt quite like a soggy wet sponge. A soggy wet sponge that has been outside for too long and has begun to disintegrate, in fact. He could hear the plodding of his feet on the dry ground as he slowly made his way back to the castle. As he finally made it to the stone steps, an equally fatigued voice called out to him and the all too familiar form of Sirius Black could be seen running behind him.

"Hey Prongs! Wait up!" panted Sirius as he ran to catch up with his Quidditch captain and best friend. His sweaty dark hair fell into his eyes as he ran, and a group of girls crossing the grounds could be seen swooning as the young animagus swung his beater's bat over his shoulder and made his way up the stone steps to where a very exhausted James stood waiting for him. Sirius shot him the best lop-sided grin he could muster and muttered, "Pre-season practice is a killer, eh?" James looked at him for a second, blinked, and then turned around and opened the door leading into the Great Hall. Sirius followed behind him, and they silently made their way through the castle, climbing the several floors to get to Gryffindor Tower with obvious effort.

"Horklump," muttered James to the Fat Lady, barely opening his lips. Whether the Fat Lady could actually understand his mumbled speech or just did not want to risk the wrath of the two tired pranksters is uncertain, but she nevertheless swung the portrait open, allowing the two boys to climb into the common room. They slowly ventured to the couch and squishy armchairs, where they found their good friend Remus Lupin curled up, and quite absorbed in what appeared to be a massive Transfiguration essay that he was proof reading. James and Sirius plopped down on the couch uncharacteristically silent, causing the young werewolf to look up from his paper rather amused.

"Tough practice?" he asked with a hint of a smirk playing around his mouth. James and Sirius grunted in response. "I see," replied Remus in a good-humored tone, "you have all the enthusiasm of a dead flobberworm."

"Yeah? Well so would you if-," began James, but he fell quiet again when he saw the beautiful crimson haired goddess making her way toward him. They had been dating for about a month, but his heart still beat oddly fast when she was around. James did his best to smile back at her as she walked toward the couch, but he was quite certain it came out as a distorted grimace by the comical look on Lily's face.

Seeing what made his fellow Marauder shut up so quickly, Sirius made room on the couch between them, but not before grunting, "Shouldn't you go take a shower first, mate? You don't exactly smell like a field full of daisies." James shot him an annoyed look, but caught a whiff of himself and shrugged. Lily had already made it to the couch and as she sat between the two boys, she crinkled up her nose.

"Goodness, you two have just come from quidditch practice haven't you?" she exclaimed, laughing slightly at the look of indignation on Sirius's face.

"Hey, I don't smell that bad! Your boyfriend's the one who smells like he's just rolled in the remains of a dead decaying troll!"

"Charming, Sirius," frowned Lily as the mental picture of James rolling in such a thing obviously came to her mind.

"You both smell a little less than pleasant," added Remus chuckling.

"And what are you, the guru of fresh scents?" asked Sirius moodily as he got up from the couch and started walking toward the boy's dormitory, ignoring the laughter of his friends as he did so. "I'm going take a shower!" he said angrily, and shot them all the finger as they laughed even harder.

"Maybe you should follow suit," said a still laughing Lily to James.

"What are you trying to say?" said James in a mock hurt voice.

"Well…" said Lily grinning, "I don't know. Why don't you ask the "Guru of Fresh Scents" over here," she added, pointing to Remus. At this, Remus sat up very straight and put on his best professional, dignified voice.

"I do declare that you smell like one of Peter's old socks, dipped in sauerkraut, regurgitated by a dementor, and left to dry-,"

"Okay, okay, I get it. I stink. I'll go take a shower." Said James as he stood up. He looked at Lily and Remus with a raised eyebrow and said, "You guys suck." He could hear their laughter all the way to the seventh year boy's dorm.

Later that night, once everyone was showered and smelling fresh (so decided Remus anyway), James went down to the common room to meet Lily, whom he had decided to show a particular secret passage way behind a certain mirror on the fourth floor. Lily, who took her role as Head Girl very seriously, and who was usually a stickler for rules as well, disagreed at first. She didn't want to be sneaking around the castle after hours. James's consistent begging finally got to her, however, and in just a few minutes time she gave in. Her curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she and James rather gleefully snuck under his Invisibility Cloak to the fourth floor.

After checking the map to make sure Filch was nowhere around, James took the cloak off of them and held open the mirror for her to climb through. "My lady," he said in a mock noble voice and gesturing for Lily to climb through. Uncertainly, and with a doubtful look at James, Lily climbed into the pitch-black tunnel. James followed, and muttered, "Lumos!" filling the tunnel with a pale light from the tip of his wand. As the couple walked forward, Lily asked, "Where does this lead?"

Smirking, James replied "I guess you'll just have to wait and see."

Lily punched him playfully on the shoulder and grinned. "You're such an ass,"

James smiled more broadly and replied, "Yes, but I'm your ass." James frowned at his statement and Lily started to laugh. "Well not quite, but you know what I mean."

All of a sudden there was a loud groan in the tunnel and tiny rock fragments from the stone ceiling began to fall. James and Lily looked at each other wide-eyed as larger pieces began to fall. James took Lily's hand and yelled, "RUN!" They tried firing spells at the falling ceiling but nothing seemed to work. The entire top of the tunnel was rapidly caving in behind and in front of them. Lily screamed as a massive chunk of stone landed right in front of them. "It going to be okay! We're going to make it!" Yelled James, but as soon as the words left his mouth a huge piece of rock ricocheted off his head. Lily's scream of "JAMES!" seemed far away and he felt very tired all of a sudden. Dazed and unaware of what had just happed, James slowly went to his knees and proceeded to go unconscious.


	2. Drop a house on it

**Author's Note: Just so no one gets confused, some of the characters in the story that should be James's age are going to be older than he is in his dream. You'll see why later.**

The gut-wrenching sensation of having been spun around and around very quickly was beginning to make James sick as he slowly opened his eyes. His head ached something terrible. Rubbing a hand through his untidy black hair, James felt a massive knot on the back of his head. Then, he remembered. The tunnel caved in. Rocks were falling everywhere and he and Lily were trying to get out…something must have fell on him and knocked him unconscious. Was he in the hospital wing? Where was Lily? Was she okay?

Getting to his feet and looking around, James quickly realized he was not in the hospital wing. He had been lying face down on what appeared to thick purple grass outside a small multicolored cottage. The trees here were all bare, as though it were winter, but the air was warm and humid. The sunlight was oddly dull, even though there were no clouds in the alarmingly vivid blue sky. A bright, sparkly silver path wound its way through the place and James assumed it must be a road. There were no birds flying or chirping, nor any other signs of life that James could detect. It was a very strange place indeed.

"I don't think I'm at Hogwarts anymore," said James slowly.

Of all the strange things, however, the small cottage was by far the strangest. Painted in very vivid hues of green, violet, red, pink and yellow, the cottage definitely had a punk like air about it. There were no windows at all, only a huge gold door with tiny red lions painted on it. As James moved closer to look at the door, he nearly tripped over someone's outstretched arm.

"Holy shit!" shouted James as he jumped backward. Regaining his composure, he moved in slowly for a closer look. Sure enough, a human arm was stretched out, not under the door, but seemingly under the whole house, as if the house had fallen on it. The hand was balled up in a fist, as though it were clutching something. James grabbed a stick from a nearby tree and was just about to poke the arm when a harsh feminine voice spoke.

"So I see you've discovered our most unfortunate friend." James jumped, and looked around. There was a small fountain on the opposite side of the silver path, and on top of this fountain stood a severe looking woman with black hair pulled into a bun and square spectacles. She looked oddly familiar to James but he just couldn't remember…

"Hello Potter," said the woman stiffly.

"Hey, you know who I am?" asked James, quite surprised. The woman rolled her eyes.

"Of course I know who you are. We've been expecting you."

"We? Who's we?" asked James, looking around anxiously. The woman glided down from the fountain (which James noticed contained some greenish liquid) and landed in front of him. She then looked around and motioned as if for someone or something to come out. When nothing did she sighed impatiently.

"Well, come on then. He's not going to bite." At her words, motion seemed to erupt from everywhere. Tiny beings popped out from behind trees and bushes, holes in the ground, and from just about everywhere else imaginable. James even saw one wearing goggles and a snorkel emerge from the greenish liquid in the fountain. As they drew closer, James gasped. They were house elves! Hundreds of house elves were coming toward him, their huge bulbous eyes looking up at him as though he were some messy black haired god.

"What the…" said James as he started to back away from the throng of elves. He looked at the woman. "Who are you? Why are house elves coming after me? Where am I?"

"You are in the land of Hoz." Said the woman calmly. "I am Minerva, the good witch of the east." Well, thought James, if she's the good witch I'd hate to the bad one.

"As for the elves," she continued, "they are safe now. You have saved them."

"What?" asked a very, very confused James, "How did I save them?"

"You've dropped that house on the dark wizard of the north," replied the witch calmly.

"I didn't drop a house on anybody! That house was-,"

"Potter, enough! The house wasn't here before and neither were you, yet you are both simultaneously here now. I don't care how it got here, only that it has put an end to a very evil man."

James didn't know why, but something told him he was about to get a detention. Nevertheless, looking at the arm under the cottage, he asked, "Who was that guy?"

"Lucius, the dark wizard of the north," replied Minerva impatiently, "he treated the elves here horribly. Anyway," she said, walking toward "Lucius's" arm, "the point is, he's dead now. So that means that this is yours," She walked back toward James after taking something from the dead hand. Upon opening her hand, James saw that she held a dainty silver ring with a heart on it. Looking closer, he saw that in the middle of this heart was a tiny silver doe. Minerva moved her hand toward him as though giving it to him.

"I don't want it," said James disgustedly, "it's got a freaking heart on it! And besides, I don't wear rings." Minerva's nostrils flared.

"You'll take it Potter! You're the one who killed its previous owner! You're the only one who can protect it from Snape now!"

"From who?" asked James distractedly, for at that moment there was a loud "Crack!" and a darkly clad figure apparated before them. Clearly a wizard, the man looked about twice James's own age, had long greasy hair, a hooked nose, and once again James had the strangest feeling of déjà vu.

The wizard looked at the dead arm under the cottage, and then at Minerva and James. The house elves all gasped and hid from his cold black stare. He walked slowly toward Minerva and James, wand out and looking menacing.

"Where is the ring?" he demanded. Minerva, who showed no fear of him at all, spoke.

"The boy is the rightful owner of the ring now, Severus."

Snape walked up to James and stuck out his hand. "Give me the ring, boy."

"Why do you want it?" asked James cautiously.

"That is none of your concern. Give it to me!"

"No," said James defiantly. "I think I'll keep it for a while. Looks rather smashing in this light doesn't it?" He asked Snape tauntingly, holding the glittering ring up in the sunlight. For some reason defying the man seemed the most natural thing to do.

Snape made a grab for it, and as it touched is skin there was a small explosion and Snape was knocked on his back flat on the ground.

"He is the rightful owner of the ring now, Severus," said Minerva in an "I told you so" kind of voice. "He and he alone can possess it."

"That can be changed," muttered Snape darkly as he stood up, glaring at James. "I'll get that ring Potter. You can be sure of it." And with that he vanished in a cloud of dark purple smoke. James coughed and sputtered as he waved the smoke away from his face.

"Bit dramatic isn't he?" James asked Minerva grinning. Minerva nodded curtly. There was a rustle in the bushes as the house elves reappeared, looking quite relieved and happy.

"Who is that slimy git anyway?" he asked her.

"Severus Snape. The dark wizard of the west." She replied darkly.

James considered this for a moment. The name sounded so familiar. Then he asked, "What does he want with this ring?"

"I do not know." Replied Minerva. "All I know about the ring is that it holds incredible power of some kind, and that he must never get it. Who knows what chaos would ensure if he did?"

"Well, you can count on me." Said James in a mock heroic voice. "As long as he wants it, I'll make sure he doesn't get it. I'd rather not wear it on my finger though," he said with some afterthought, "it's a bit girly."

"Here, wear it on this," said Minerva as she conjured a silver chain out of mid air and handed it to James.

"Well, what do I do now?" Asked James, confused. "I need to get back to Hogwarts. I need to get back to my girlfriend and see if she's okay. I can't just stay here."

"The only one who can help you with that is the wizard," said Minerva solemnly.

James sighed impatiently. "Well which one? There seem to be a lot of those around here."

"The wizard of Hoz, Potter," said Minerva impatiently.

"Well where do I find this Wizard of Hoz, then?" asked James. All of a sudden, the house elves got terribly excited.

"You must follow the silver brick road, Mr. James Potter sir!" squeaked the one closest to him.

"Yes, Pookey is right sir! Mr. James Potter must follow the silver brick road to the Emerald City, sir!" squealed another.

"Yes, follow the silver brick road!" piped a few more. Then they all burst into song.

"Follow the silver brick road! Follow the silver brick road! Follow, follow, follow, follow-,"

"Okay!" shouted James over the chorus of house elves. "I get the point! Follow the silver brick road, I got it!" And so James started his journey down the lustrous silver path, unaware of the adventures and perils he would meet along the way to see the Wonderful Wizard of Hoz.


End file.
